I want to share with you a couple of things that struck me when i read your first post I know you speak very beautifully about how lovely he was as a dad when they were young - but he is telling you that he found it terribly difficult - and he is being honest with you that he can't cope with going through that again. I wonder why you have stopped yourself from sharing with your husband about how depressed you feel about not having another baby?
Its not emotional blackmail to say ' look i have a big problem here and i need you to help me find a way through it'.
It might help you both to sit down and weigh up what the pros and cons are for each decision for all of you - and see what comes up as the best overall decision - that way you are part of making a choice about your future and your family rather than feel you are being forced into it.
I am sure though that the best place to start is to talk honestly and openly to your husband:hug:. Hi I am not really in a position to offer advice but just wanted to say I completly understand how you feel. I am 22 and have 2 children aged 19 and 4 months and even though I find it difficult really would love another baby.
My other half is adamant that we will never have anymore children and even though I would like to wait a little while I know that I want another one so makes me even wonder if we have a future together!
My yougest has had strep b and this was a horrible and frightning time for us which even put so much pressure on us that we seperated- I know this sounds silly but I feel because she was so poorly I missed out a lot on my youngests newborn stage as she was in hospital for ages and therefore don't really feel I have had a second chance if you get me? I was studying law at uni when I fell pregnant with my first and had to leave my course before even finishing the first term now I have no confidence to do anything and wonder what I'll actually will do with myself when my babies wont need me anymore!
Hope it helps to know others feel the same maybe it would help if your other half saw the thread so he knows how you feel?
Court cases 16 year old wanting to date my 12 year old??? Court cases I slept with another man. I can never tell my DP. Thank you all so much for you responses xox I know my husband struggled and I did everything i could to make it easier.
He never had all three children alone until he felt comfortable when they were about 12 ish months , I tried to do as much as I could but no so much that he felt surplus IYSWIM. It is knowing how he felt that makes it so hard to discuss, we have done many times. I really don't want to keep harping on it him incase he gives in.
I know myself and I know I would spend the entire pregnancy and probably the rest of my life feeling like I had pushed him into it and that he didn't really want our baby. I know my beautiful, amazing, generous husband would do anything for me when it came down to it and I just know that if he truly knew how much it hurt he would say yes in a heartbeat.
As it is I've always managed to keep all convos about is fairly light so he has no idea. I run a pros and cons list through my head about 10 times a day. It's always been about a split It was easy to put it out of my mind when I could say 'we can't aford another baby' etc.
It's like a ball in my stomach all the time and I just feel so sad Thank you all so much or your supportive responses Can't find your answer? Hi there, I have 3 gorgeous and healthy children and although I am very happy with my hubby and children every so often I have such strong feelings of broodiness that it actually hurts So even though I still sometimes yearn for another baby, the older my children get the more distant these feelings become It does get easier..
Hi Kerrie, Thanks very much for your post. It really does help to know that this terrible pain will fade someday. Hi Bernadette I think its about you making an active choice - I found an artile - please have a read through - the first part is about secondary fertility so just pass that by - but the second part is about how the mum got over her yearning A Personal Journey Through Secondary Infertility IAAC. Court cases I said no but he didn't stop. Court cases Falling for another man, but still in love with husband.
Court cases Pregnant and can't stop smoking. I know how you feel, but i only have one child and desperatly want another one but my partner keeps putting it off! Now he said if we move to a bigger home maybe, so guess what, my house is on the market and we have put an offer in on a 3 bedroom house lol. If that is what it takes then so be it! The reason it has taken us so long is because me DD was very ill as a baby, it put massive stress on both of us and i had a mini breakdown, kicked him out, etc, i think hes scared it would happen again, but i just pray the next baby would be healthy because if it is it will be a walk in the park compared to the first 2 yrs of my daughters life.
I hope your hubby comes through for you soon Nara! Spouses often forget this, upping the ante on their suffering— I had the kids all day. My job is more demanding than yours. Whose pain wins? In this kind of setup, both people inevitably lose. If your husband gives you a child and it destroys your marriage, is he really giving you a gift?
If you give up on having a baby but resent your husband for life, did he really get what he wants? What will help you move forward is to think of yourselves as teammates rather than opponents.
This means that instead of trying to get your partner to agree with your perspective, you should work together to understand yourselves and each other better. Only then can you make a thoughtful decision about the path forward. You say that you love your husband and that there are many reasons you enjoy being married to him. You also say that when you got pregnant soon after meeting, you would have ended the relationship had he not agreed to having a third child.
I want you to imagine your life had he said no to a third child at that point. Perhaps you would have ended the relationship, but there would have been no guarantee that you would have found someone you loved as much who also wanted three children during the window in which you were able to have them. You would have seen less of what would have been your first and perhaps only child than you do now—again, with no guarantee of your having more children later on with a different partner.
Take a moment to contemplate that scenario. See if you can come up with a compromise, such as revisiting the conversation in a few months or setting a date in a year or two when you'll start trying to conceive. The more honest you both are and the more you communicate, the easier your decision may become. A 7-year-old only child may be terrifically excited about you having a second baby, or they may feel jealous or betrayed.
They may even feel both emotions. On the other hand, a toddler may not have yet grasped the notion that they are the top dog. They may adjust to a new sibling beautifully, or they may act out trying to get your attention. But you can consider, for instance, if they ask for a sibling or if they enjoy interacting with younger cousins or friends.
However, even if they don't seem interested in babies or toddlers, they may still react well to having a sibling of their own. Regardless of their age, take some extra steps to help your child adjust to a new sibling if you decide to have another baby. Having a baby really does change everything.
That doesn't just apply to your first child. The associated costs, the size of your home, and your family dynamics are all things to consider when contemplating another child.
The costs of raising a child rise each year. Aside from long-term expenses , a baby brings short-term costs too—co-pays, insurance deductibles, hospital bills, prescriptions, diapers, and whatever baby gear or clothes you don't have left over from your older children. These costs can add up quickly, especially if you've already been squeezing every cent out of your household income.
Evaluating the family budget may seem like an unfair exercise when you're considering having a child. However, knowing the numbers can help you decide whether you're financially ready for another baby now, or whether you should wait a year or so to reevaluate your finances. Adding another member to your household could require some physical changes. You may have to lose that home office or guest room or have your kids share a bedroom. You may have to buy a double stroller so both of your children can ride at the same time.
Your car's backseat will need to have room for two or more little bodies secured in bulky car seats. The tiny eat-in kitchen that was perfect for a trio will have to make room for a high chair and, eventually, a regular chair for your younger child. As with the budget, these are not necessarily reasons to decide against having another baby. They are just potential changes to think through so they're not a shock when you see the two pink lines on a pregnancy test.
As your firstborn grows, you gain a little more freedom. When a second baby comes along, you're back to square one—except you've also got an older child or more to care for at the same time. Getting up and going somewhere isn't as easy as it once was. Add a third or fourth child or more , especially if they're close in age, and you may just have your hands too full.
Your ability to travel will probably change. Even trips around town may feel like an ordeal. It can be harder to dine at a restaurant or get a babysitter. Many of the changes are subtle, but they're still something to consider. Note though that people often rise to the occasion and adjust as their parenting demands change in ways they may never have expected when only taking care of one child.
At first, that shift in time will be in the baby's favor because you'll constantly be changing diapers and feeding the baby. And when you do have a free moment to play with your first child, all you'll want to do is sleep. It's easy to feel overwhelmed when trying to take care of the needs of two kids in the same 24 hours you've always had.
Even with the most helpful caregivers, family members, and friends, you'll need an adjustment period to being parents of two. Eventually, your time will swing back to a more even balance between your children. But your family dynamic will undoubtedly change. Remember though that your family dynamic will always be in flux, whether or not you have another child, as life invariably brings changes—planned or not—along the way. Ask yourself why you want another baby.
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